Confessions of a Pirate

Evidence of Things Not Seen.* My intersection with the invisible landscape

*Hebrews 11:1

In February of 1963 at 2 years old, my left eye began to swell. My parents took me to an ophthalmologist and after some tests, the diagnosis was Rhabdomyosarcoma.

Rhabdomyosarcoma, or RMS, is an aggressive and highly malignant form of cancer that develops from skeletal (striated) muscle cells that have failed to fully differentiate. It is generally considered to be a disease of childhood, as the vast majority of cases occur in those below the age of 18. Despite aggressive multimodality treatment, (in the 21stcentury) less than 20% of patients with metastatic RMS are able to be cured of their disease.

My parents, at enormous financial sacrifice, took me to New York City where the best treatment was available in 1963. The surgeon told them, at that point in time, if I lived to be 5 years old, he would consider the surgery a success. He only knew of one patient who had survived more than 3 years past surgery, and that child was then 8 years old. So, there was a tiny shred of hope.

My parents spent 6 weeks in NYC as I underwent surgery and rudimentary cobalt treatments. They got to know other parents who had young children with other types of cancer in or near their eyes. As the years went by my parents found out the other children eventually died.

I have worn an eyepatch since age 2. Growing up is hard when you stand out. Lots of times I was called a pirate by kids, and the derogatory tone in their voices cut deep into me. (My response to those wounds was to become an angry person and I acted up and got in trouble a lot until two close friends in high school eased the pain, calming me down. Never underestimate the power of a true friend).

Through the influence of my parents, and especially through the work of my second-grade teacher who had us memorize scripture and hymns in public school, I encountered the invisible landscape and trusted Christ. I began my journey as a believer April 1969, age 8. The TV preachers said I could be healed and restored if I just had enough faith. I remember being a child falling asleep, praying - certain that when morning came, I would have two eyes again, but always disappointed. Eventually I understood that some TV “preachers” were lying to me and were preying on people who are hurting to pad their own pockets - a pernicious form of evil that will not be overlooked by our loving Father. (Just for the record: not all preachers on TV are bad). I learned that you should always test what a “preacher” was saying by the scriptures and seeking wisdom from believers who have a lot of experience walking with Jesus when trying to understand how he works in our lives. I learned from experience and from some examples in the scriptures that even though God certainly has the power to heal me, he doesn’t always work that way.

I lived past 8 and 18, and now past 58. I have been blessed with awesome parents who taught me hard work and honesty, the best policy.  Blessed with many relationships. Blessed with a wife, two children who are following Christ, and five grandchildren who are being raised to love the Lord. And a group of men I meet with each week who challenge me and mean the world to me. The enormous blessing of college education and then Southwestern Seminary where I spent 4 years immersed in learning about our awesome God (at great sacrifice by my wife and kids, by the way). I have had some success in my work, even being elected by my peers as an officer on the board of the Texas association of my industry.

I am aware that it truly is a miracle I am alive, survived this long, and experienced all these blessings and more.

Along with all these blessings, of course, have come many, many difficulties, disappointments, and hardships. Some that people know about and some that only a couple of people even know. Some were light and temporary and some very painful, persisting for decades. Like Jesus said, “In this world you will have tribulations.” But that is not all he said. Just before that, he said, “in me you may have peace.”  There are times I have found peace in Jesus, but when I lose sight of things above and become too focused on things on the earth, I struggle to stay centered on Jesus.

I have been able to accept having one eye. In fact, it is a great blessing to have an eye at all because there are lots of people who cannot see, many born blind. Blessed to enjoy a sunset, the smile of my grandkids (and their awesome pictures they draw for me), and the way the light falls on my wife’s face. I can read and watch baseball! Wearing a patch actually has benefits! People remember me. That is an asset when you earn your living selling stuff to people. (On top of that it is a great incentive to avoid a life of crime - I would easily be picked out of a police line up!)  Also, I get to interact with hundreds of children every year who, as uninhibited children tend to do, blurt out, “Hey Mom! Look! A Pirate!”  Their voices do not have the derogatory tone that voices of the past had. They are excited to meet a real pirate and I enjoy playing along. In fact, I have adopted the pirate theme because it is the best way to put people at ease when they do not know what to say.

Today, I am blessed to be at a church where we are surrounded by community who love Jesus and, not only talk about spreading his message of the availability of his kingdom to anyone who wants in, but actually put their words into action. I have had the enormous blessing of working with engaged couples preparing for marriage for over a decade now. I take that weighty responsibility very seriously and enjoy it immensely.

The apostle Paul instructs us in Colossians 3:2 (ESV): “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”

I’ve learned it is very important not to get too caught up in the visible landscape, because the invisible landscape is forever. Like my favorite author Dallas Willard said, “You are an unceasing spiritual being with an eternal destiny in God’s great universe.”